Holding Things Loosely

I have taught multiple times the importance, as a function of living faithfully, to hold work, relationships, opportunities, time, possessions, dreams, ambitions—to hold in your hands and your hearts loosely--so a sovereign God does not have to painfully pry it out of your stubborn grip—or you miss a greater walk because your hands were full and you could not grab hold of something new.

Classic—who is going to argue with that? Even a non believer would agree with that (minus the sovereign God part).

Yet, when that theory becomes a reality in life—when emotions are the additional variable to the otherwise tidy equation—suddenly the principle that is easy to talk becomes dicey to walk.

I love encouraging others to embrace bold change. Yet, under the umbrella of irony, change is something I tend to RUN from (I boast of my ability to live with my furniture in its “correct” God ordained spot for well over a decade—same story for hair).

Welcome to my now. In a few days I will walk a brand new path as a full time staff member of a wonderful, impactful nonprofit. It’s an exciting, challenging path. However, to walk it, I have to walk away from some things I love.

To do my new job, I have to let go of some of my soon to be former work that I have loved, through which I have thrived. I understand it; don’t resent it, but it, well, it hurts. I am leaving some environments that have so blessed my life, and I don’t want to let go.

However, letting go, I must. The question is: what is the best way to let it go?


• Remember with gratitude both what was and what is and what is to be.


• Remember God is everywhere and in control.


• Give some space to be sad and also dedicate some space to be excited and thrilled.


• There are seasons, Scripture ALWAYS portrays life as full of change, transition, movement. It’s a good thing and a God thing to experience shifts.


• Faith is who I am, not something I do. Faithful work is 24/7.

So, I have to let go of teaching Bible study (for now), to learn and grow and go to a new environment. I pray that my walk and my talk match up. Would love your prayers too!

Stringing Pearls: Advocate For, Not Defend Against

Quick thought.  I was in a meeting the other day and suggested something that was rejected.  It was not the typical case of I see it one way and you see it another--that does not bother me--I enjoy that kind of tension, it's interesting. 

No.  this person objected in a way I found offensive--she was wrong, I was sure.  So now what? 

I could feel that defensive monster creep up my spine, pinching every last nerve in my neck and pushing against my temples. 

Thankfully I knew to pause, I actually pursed my lips together not trusting my mouth to obey my mind which was processing too many emotions. 

Of course, I thought of not much else for a few hours.  I kept "praying" which was telling God what I wanted to say and asking for words that would not speak into my offense or emotions.  I wanted him to make me sound good and appropriate. 

Later, it hit me.  Advocate for, don't defend against.   Speak into what I want and why I think it has merit--don't speak at all into what I find objectionable or ill advised about someone else's position. 

I want to share the details, but knowing myself--I would frame them so I look cooler than I am or more gracious than I deserve and I don't want to violate a confidence, even if from the context of a meeting.  So I leave you with this...advocate for don't defend against. 

In the future, over coffee I will fill in all the blanks in a way I know you will absolutely agree with me. 

Grinning.

"May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, my Rock and my Redeemer."  Psalm 19:14 (NIV)

The Marriage Thing: Can Two Older Pups Learn Some New Tricks?

It was a question of teaching older pups new tricks.

Hubby JR and I have been married for 22 years.

A while back,  hubby JR and I headed to church for a marriage enrichment workshop--or as JR referred to it, "the marriage thing." 

Guess which one of us signed up, served on leadership planning, devloped the workbook and theme for the event, purchased the giveaway products, met with the speakers in advance AND guess which one of us dragged into the "thing" with resignation and furrowed brow? 

It was scheduled the night of the Cotton Bowl.  Guess which one of us attended Kansas State and was looking forward to watching the game AND guess which one of us was looking forward to exploring what makes a strong marriage tick?

Guess what happened?  We were pulling out of the church parking lot following the first session and, yup, the tension turned to a fight.

JR and I don't really fight frequently and we do fight differently (which we knew, but following the session we had the technical terms for our "conflict buttons").   I won't burden you with the details, I hope you are correctly assuming that I was mostly in the right, but given the bowl game situation JR was vulnerable.  That's how I remember it.

However, the great thing about our absurdity is we had very fresh material to apply to the teaching the next morning, and it brought some clarity.  The speaker made a great point that when we are aruguing, we are dealing with emotionally fueled states such as-need to be in control, need for afirmation, a feeling of failure or inadequcy--and that is what the teacher called a button.  The button takes over the conflict and crowds out the actual issue. When we are in conflict our instict is to tend to the button, not so much the issue.  He also made the point that as long as I am working on the button (emotion) I will never really resolve the issue. 

It was the classic helpful instruction--taking something familar and important and pointing to a way to make make modification which improves the circumstance.  I wonder how long we would have been stuck without tending to the actual issue. 

We both agreed and appreciated that the event was also full of some real humor, which kept us laughing both at the jokes, videos and most certainly at ourselves.

A post script:  K-State lost badly, so our time together watching the game was sure to be abbreviated.  All's well...

Getting to Church: Grace Needed!

Church:  by the time we actually get there, we really need to be there!

Why? 

What is it about getting to church that creates such atmospheric disturbance? 

First, there is the logistics of all of us arriving at one place, at one time with teeth brushed.  While we are up earlier during the week, our departure is staggered, which helps, I think.  

There is also the tension of who wants to linger and when--the girls tend to linger in the bathroom getting ready for church.  I tend to linger at church visiting and catching up with my friends when the service or event is over and there is a chorus of sighs or hubby JR hand on the small of my back nudging me.  It's mutually annoying. 

But,  there is still the odd reality that why does attending one of our favorite places bring out the crabby?  We don't snarl on our way to grab a fro yo or pizza?  We don't sigh and nudge as we pack up to leave a movie or game?  

Some have suggested this universal tension is the devil's handy work.  I think instead it's more our approach. 

Do we over commit to church programs?  Sometimes.  In church world most everything is good, so how we determine what is wise needs to move beyond whether or not it's good. 

Do we try too hard to present ourselves as pleasant, happy and put together at church that we are exhausted by the the time we get there in trying to achieve a state of false put together?  Possible. 

Do we forget where we are going and why we are going?  Yes--it's not that we don't know why we love church or why it's important, its that we forget to remind ourselves of those basic things.

I really don't have an action plan or dedication to some new intentional direction, it just amuses me that more often than not, the process of getting to church creates a need to be there!  Maybe this is all God's sense of humor, inrony and humilty.

Daily Gifts: Little Bites Full of Flavor

Daily Gifts of Grace, devotions for each day of your year, is written by the Women of Faith team.  The devotions are tightly written anecdotes that offer a great mix of perspectives—not just encouragement. 

The daily devotionals are concise and not provocative, but they are honest, personal and good reads—vignettes.    I recommend this for those who seek a short interruption or start in the day with a good word.  It’s perfect to keep in a purse or car to read while waiting.  It would be great for a quick glance during a coffee break.  The scripture references are brief, and somewhat of an accessory—not tied to the story. 

There is a random quality to the collection, which I enjoyed but the inconsistent tone of each writer might frustrate some readers.  The cover and binding of the book are beautiful; it would make a nice gift.  It offers some lovely, relevant touches. 

I write independent reviews as part of the Booksneeze program of Thomas Nelson Publishers.

The Beautiful Surprise of Fresh Eyes

I have been praying that this season of Advent be full of expectation, in a fresh way.  I wanted to consider the Gospel accounts, the worship, the music, the traditions with a fresh sense.  The season of Advent unfolded in a lovely, but predictable manner. Nothing "fresh"--- until late Christmas Eve afternoon.   

My church has, for its afternoon Christmas Eve service as a centerpiece, baptisms.  Sometimes there are many, this time two.  I was honored to assist with one this year. 

As the pastor walked the parents through details, the pastor said, "I will finish up with a prayer where we lay hands on you and your son,

praying for the day he stands before the church on his own proclaiming faith in Jesus Christ."  

The mom started to cry, she was so moved by this moment and the hope of that moment in the future.  It was touching and beautiful to see her emotion surface;  to see the depth of faithful love expressed in a spontaneous reaction. 

That was it.  Through her, I saw the majesty and import of it all with fresh eyes.  It was not what I expected and it was the best of surprises.  I worshipped with a joy and thankfulness anew.

The Hardships Facing the Idle Rich

We finally shopped, wrapped, stamped and shipped a large pile of I don't even remember now to the Midwest where a large pile of kin are currently hunkering down through a blizzard.

Check off the list.

Enjoy an extra Christmas cookie.

 

Turn thoughts to the status of giving on the home

front.

It occurred to us that some of what we had so smugly ordered first week of December had yet to arrive.  No worries, three shipping days left.  Yet, we had not seen the charge on the bank statement either.

Pause for dramatic effect.

It turns out the the set of new knives that hubby JR had found for me at a great price appealed to many other people as well and will be delivered around January 18ish--just in time for the festive gift giving so often associated with MLK and the NFL playoffs.

Also, it seems the moccasins that I found for hubby JR are out of stock--they told me of this when I directly asked them when to expect the moccasins--and we should expect them by next Christmas, no problem.

So, outside some new perfume (I am guessing) and a new belt and sweater for JR, we will be exchanging our out of stock good intentions on Sunday morning

It was an odd experience.  It was a little like an overbooked flight without any remedy.  No apologies, or offer for free shipping or even notification that our orders won't be filled until well after Christmas.

I say it was odd, because it's not exactly sad, is it?   This is the kind of hardship that rich people face.  Do we cancel, wait or scramble to find an alternative gift?

If I shared this with almost anyone else in the world they would be well maybe amused at what passes for a problem in the USA, probably shocked at what passes for a problem in the USA.

Of course I am not making light of the real trials people face (see last post), but I am making light of my current dilemma, because it feels a little like a problem, but is it really a problem of too much good stuff?

So what are the idle rich to do when confronted with such hardship?   Well, we decided to laugh at it, and give thanks for the hangnails and hangups of too much good stuff.

Faith, Hope and Love: The Greatest of These is Love

I have sat on this one for a while.

Advent is the season expectation.   Words most often associated with it include: joy, lights, giving.

God interrupts time to invade the plant He made, we broke,  with a great and holy gift.  His son.

For God so loved this broken world, he gave his son.

Within this season, I received a note from a good friend.  She was passing on a note from one of her friends.  It was a different kind of interruption.  There is within the story a whisper of the great and holy gift, but also the grief and pain of the most painful of all losses.

Why am I sharing this --the anguish is real, but so is the honest beauty of faith in a living God even when confronted with such pain.  It's the kind of honesty and the depth of faith that inspires an instructs as to the realities of a broken world and how we survive with faith. 

Also, I am asking you to pray for both my friend who forwarded the note to me and for the writer--a wife, mom, daughter and friend who is hurting a great deal as she says goodbye to her husband.

First the background note from my friend:

 "I wanted to share a prayer request last night but it was too tender and I was scared I was going to burst into tears. Some of you may know of them.  The husband has been fighting cancer for over 15 years and we met them in 2000 when when my husband was first was diagnosed. Since that time, the wife and I have been through so much together and are bonded by faith and our almost exact experiences with cancer. Their faith has been an amazing witness and I wanted to share this with you because this is exactly what our study group talked about a couple of weeks ago. Exactly....This is the wife's post from their Caring Bridge website. As you feel led, please pray for this precious family and dear friends. Thank you!!!

Now:  The Caring Bridge Post from the wife/friend my fried mentioned:
"Remembering God's character--

God is good. God is faithful. God is loving. God gives His perfect peace. I can go on and on. Even when these difficult times come, I am reminded that He is able to hold us up. He is going to take care of us. He is going to provide and remain our faithful God. Everything else will be ok because of Him. But it doesn't mean it will be easy....


Today I took Tom back to the hospital for IV fluids and IV nutrition. He was admitted but as of this writing (almost 10pm) he still has not started the IV fluids! This is so frustrating!! Patience has never been my strong suit, but I am trying.


Yesterday was one of the most difficult days I have ever had, and I have had some tough ones. We had to tell the kids that Tom may not get better and that he might go to be with Jesus. Never a conversation you want to have. We had emotions all across the board- lots of tears, fears and anger. But in the end, precious time together as a family and an opportunity to say things that might get left unsaid for a lifetime. Another precious blessing wrapped in difficulty.


We hope to have a heart to heart with our doctor tomorrow and also see how Tom is responding to the fluids. I have already been in contact with a local hospice and will see if and when that transition will be made.


Please continue to pray. We have felt the Spirit move on our behalf. We have experienced His peace. But I have also felt like someone has ripped the heart from my chest. I almost can't breathe at times. I can't imagine Tom, the love of my life for over 20 years, not being with me. But I trust God and His character. I trust Him for Tom, our children and myself. He is worthy."


Thanks for lifting up this family in prayer.  I give thanks for their faith and their love for each other. 

What Will I Give Up for What's Behind Door #2?

I was writing away at my desk, in my bedroom and the phone rings. A friend wanted a recommendation of a Christian author for a Christmas gift.

As the conversation wandered she shared a story about a woman in New York who spent a year looking for the key to happiness and how thorough her research was for this project.

My friend then commented, “she is not just some woman sitting in her bedroom writing a blog.” No kidding. Ouch. I actually laughed because the irony was too sweet.

 

What I was writing, in my bedroom:

 

In sorting through notes, as I am in between studies and cleaning up, I found this summary of recent research on greed published in the NIV Application Commentary (Luke).

 

• Respondents said for 10 million dollars:

o 25% would leave their family

o 25% would leave their church

o 23% would become a prostitute for a week

o 16% would give up American citizenship

o 16% would leave their spouse

o 13% would put their children up for adoption.

 

Now, if you think through these hypothetical stats you see some contradictions (abandon family vs. leave spouse, are they not the same?) Also, some seem low—I think more than 25% would leave their church for 10 million dollars. However, letting go of those issues, it points to a personal and probing question:

 

At what price will I sell out my integrity? For what reward will I cave morally?

 

• If I am paid in comfort (no interruptions, no rejection, no risk)

 

• If I am paid in recognition (look at me)

 

• If I am paid in self satisfaction (it is all about me)

 

Whatever the compensation—what price turns my head away from what I should do to what I am willing to give up for something immoral, but desirable.

 

What is the tipping point that creates a change in direction—where greed wins?

 

How Dare You Say Something Kind!

Last night, at a neighborhood study group, a woman offered up a really nice compliment.  After I closed the study in prayer, she suggested that I open a prayer line for people to call in so I can pray for them.

You would have thought she suggested I dye my hair red and green to express true Christmas spirit.

In my typical false modesty fashion I responded with a deflecting joke about my Midwestern nasal sound that is not really made for amplification or recording.  I then make another not so funny joke about being Lucy from Peanuts cartoon, chagrining while charging people 5 cents at a prayer help booth, after I bully Charlie Brown.

This is actually an improvement.  I used to argue with people when they complimented me. 

Once a gentleman praised a class I led, and I just about took him to the woodshed.  Really, we ended up laughing as I protested his kindness directed at me by telling him directly he was wrong.

Why am I uncomfortable with another's kind appreciation? 

When someone says they like my flip flops, I smile and say thank you.  When I get a kudos for my cookie bars, I offer up the recipe.  Yet, when someone dares to say something nice about my study, leadership or writing I want to forcefully reject such talk as outrageous.

On the surface it seems like a form of humility, but it's actually false modesty and sometimes just rude.

Humility is putting the interests of others behind my own interests but false modesty is refusing to accept a gift of affirmation from other in a form of pretense.

When I cooperate with God and serve faithfully I should not be taken back when others are blessed--not so much for my fabulousness, but that how God works--through others. 

When the response is positive, that is evidence of sound ministry-in the Bible it's called fruit.  As long as I realize that from the perspective of a servant, giving people room to express appreciation is not arrogant.

It's sometimes hard to point to God as the one who really deserves credit-that can be a odd way of putting people off too.  It's like I would be saying...you shouldn't have complimented me that way, you should have given credit to Christ.  Yes, to God be the glory, but I don't need to scold or edit someone's kind words.  

It is not interpersonal relational calculus to accept another's appreciation in a humble way--it's not hard, so why do I make it hard?

I need to take the kindness when it's offered as a gift.   Open it, enjoy it, enjoy it and remember really it is a response to my faithful service to God and equipping from God.

A Perfect Season to Choose Healing

I just read the revised edition of Healing is a Choice by Steve Arterburn, who also hosts the excellent radio program and ministry, New Life Live. Healing is an excellent personal or church resource.
Arterburn structures his entire work around the question Christ poses to the man in John 5:6, “do you want to get well?” From that perspective he offers up 10 decisions that lead to wellness and 10 lies that slow down or block wellness.

While the answers to the questions and the unpacking of the lies are sound and helpful, what is most powerful are the stories that accompany each. Arterburn starts with the frank description of his divorce and then includes many other life stories that do more than evoke compassion they effectively point to application.

The book includes a vehicle for journaling, a concise Bible study and challenges that move the reader in healthy directions. It works as a tool for individual application on to use as a group.

It’s much more than advice—it is an honest portrait of typical brokenness and proven, practical path to healing. It’s sound, relevant and thorough. Most of all, it’s encouraging that we can confront what holds us with confidence –if we choose to be well.

Friendship & Feeling: Ladies Only

Grinning:


A conversation that I am sure no two men have ever shared.

I had lunch today with a good friend and shared a story about how I had done something significant, and it was ignored. I was at a point of frustration.

She encouraged me, sympathized with me, and affirmed me— all the good stuff a good friend does at such a time.

Then she said, “You need to go and tell this person that she has hurt your feelings, and you are taking it personally.”

While, that is true (how I feel), it occurred to me later, that no man on the planet would suggest or do what she suggested and I briefly entertained. What it may offer in therapeutic release it also costs, in lunacy.

Where does such a confrontation lead…would I feel better with a dismissive, “oh I am sorry.” I don’t think so. Would I find comfort in making a point? No, I would feel needy and sort of pitiful.

It’s not that honesty isn’t the best policy. It is. Yet, there is time for wisdom to quiet me down.

Besides, when this sort of thing crops up, it’s a good time to remember who ultimately do I serve and who I really need to seek to please.

Oh, and with some humility consider who I may have overlooked recently who is having lunch with a friend talking about how I hurt her feelings…

Better At Bats

Last night I sat in a barn while one of my chickadees took a batting lesson.  I worked through a Bible study assignment while she worked through the effectiveness of her swing. 

I was struck by questions her coach asked, and thought as I muddled through this assignment on self control--hmmm, that's relevant.

Coach:  Why do you not think about your grip?

Chickadee:  I don't know, I just swing.

Coach:  Why do you think you do it this way?

Chickadee:  Because it's comfortable.

Coach:  Do you recognize that you have other options, and while it may feel funny it will produce what you want?

Chickadee:  I guess.

Coach:  Which way just got you though with a rocket.

Chickadee:  The new way of gripping.

Coach:  So when you grip it different something different and good happens.
Chickadee:  Yeah
Coach:  So, make the decision yourself.  Do it.

I thought about areas inconsistency and repeated traps of undiscipline.  It occurred to me that I don't even think about it as a approach it.  In the abstract, concepts of life I want to "do better" but too often I go through the motions in the most familiar, comfortable way.  

What if I start with a decision about my grip, recognizing I have options and what are those options.  What if I practiced with various options until I discovered the most effective?  What if I do the thing that works best even if it feels weird. 

Mom and Dot may start hitting rockets. 

Author Fails to Answer His Own Question as to Where

Where Has Oprah Taken Us? The Religious Influence of the World’s Most Famous Woman by Stephen Mansfield is a frustrating read. Why, because Mansfield does not capture the extent of that influence at all.


He does a thorough job of highlighting the spiritual celebrities who frequented the Oprah show, but does not offer up what impression they really made on the audience. He tries to capture what impression it made on Oprah’s personal belief, but that is speculation and conjecture.

Another disappointment—the heavy reliance on Kitty Kelley’s Oprah biography. I have not actually watched an entire episode of The Oprah Winfrey Show and so Mansfield may be assuming a familiarity with the program in his readers that I don’t share. Still, it would be a much more substantive work and more true to the title if there was empirical evidence of influence.

Is it is possible that the people featured on the show were received as mere entertainment?

The strongest quality to the writing is a clear exposition of New Age, Postmodern relativism that glorifies the individual to a God-like stature. Mansfield does a good job of documenting how these New Age personalities (Iyanla Vanzant, Deepak Chopra, Gary Zukav, Eckhart Tolle, Marianne Williamson) contradict each other and logic and even the faith traditions (Christianity, Judaism, Tao, Zen, and Hindu).

He effectively points to Oprah Winfrey’s attempts to embrace all of these as inspiration and revelation—and that such a response to this is absurd.

Yet, he fails to finish that with the mark it really made on her viewers and fans. If Mansfield really believes that Oprah has become, “the priestess of an innovative brand of spirituality, one that was even reshaping the place and nature of religion in American life,” (xiii) he needs to make that case.

The book is an assumption that because Oprah highlights these works and words on her enormous platform it resonated in an impactful way with the viewer.

Perhaps it did, but Mansfield needs to demonstrate that, not assume it. This is an interesting compilation of modern humanism but does not accomplish what it sets out to do.

I read and reviewed this book as a part of Thomas Nelson Publishing Booksneeze program.

Journey without the Moses Moment

Spent some time today, not really facing a writer’s block, but a bit of a writer’s speed bump.

I offered to submit a story for my church’s annual Advent devotional.

This year’s them is Awakened and the gist was to collect stories of transformational faith experiences.  

I was wide awake, and alertly drawing a blank.

Awoke to my daughter’s orthodontist appointment this morning and I shared with her this theme and the concept of a transformational experience for this devotional, while we waited for her to be fitted for a zebra striped retainer.

Sally replied, “Oh yeah, I get it. I call those Moses moments. I don’t really have those.”

Apples don’t fall far.

God stirs me in everyday, ordinary moments that don’t make for one captivating story but it’s like a good recipe that builds layers of flavor.

I can read almost anything by Philip Yancey, or spend some somber time in prayer over requests from friends in my study class and be moved by both the power and presence of God.

I look at my rapidly growing girls, my kind and funny husband, my church that I love and I am struck by the overflowing blessing of love and relationships. I delight and give thanks for those gifts.

I am learning more and more about faithful responses in times of trial, and in time of tranquility. I am learning from God how to hold all of this loosely, to be in a posture to give and to receive from him.

“Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long. “ Psalm 25:5

Father, I want to learn to love, honor and know you with all I have. I pray that it shows in what I think, what I say and what I do. I thank and praise you for the mercy and grace you pour out to me. I pray that you find me cooperative with your purpose. I ask and seek this in Christ’s name. Amen.

Words

Words.  I love words.  I love speaking them, listening to them, reading them and writing them.  I just re-read my last post and thought about the line, "words can easily hurt but can rarely heal."   It just hit me what a strong statement I wrote, even in context.

Is it true?  I spent some time this morning using words to persuade one of my daughters to study more effectively.  I even asked her to consider what else might motivate her because the many words I was using involving consequence, implication and application--none of it was resonating.

I teach Bible studies because I know the truth in Scripture (inspired words) leads to a more confident, more honest, more impactful faith walk. 

What started this wordy tome on words, you ask (good question).  This bottle of lotion on my desk.  I don't need much to launch. 

If you can't read it, let me translate.  This lotion will, "melt away stress and help you unwind and feel at ease."  WOW.  Who knew? 

I realize that in the United States advertising and marketing writers are required to exaggerate, stretch and entice.  However, this reaches beyond the limit of a good pitch.

Is this harmless, just a far fetched use of words to attract my attention away from the 1,253 other lotions with the same sort of smell? 

Does it point to a greater issue that we so misuse words that we communicate and create empty meaning?

I am reading for a review a book about the spirituality of Oprah Winfrey.  Not a huge fan of this book or Oprah for that matter, thus the my plodding approach to the assignment.  However, the book is full incredible exaggeration that passes for inspiration or revelation.  Like the lotion bottle. 

Has our careless hyperbole created a problem in our ability to wisely communicate or are we just silly?

I don't know, I revisit my words to a friend about the power of words to hurt someone and the rare occasion when words really help.  I wonder if our misuse adds fuel to that dilemma?

Takeaway:  use words with care.

Also:  this lotion does smell good and makes one's skin soft.  Period.

Tough Question

I really only have one friend who asks me for advice.  I have more than one friend (I am pretty sure about that) but one who calls or e-mails me with pointed questions, wanting an answer.  I have not posted for a while, so I will post her question and my answer.  A Dear Abby of sorts.  Perhaps you will read it and conclude one advice seeking friend is one too many. 

Question from my friend:

This was sent to me by my friend, regarding her mom. The suffering is great. What to say to help? 
And here is what her friend had written to her...
I'm a little tired of all the church signs that intimate God answers all prayers. I must be praying for the wrong thing......And I was not even asking for the miracle.

My answer:

I don’t understand prayer. I really don’t “get it”.
I do think that church signs in general, even the charming or warm ones are mistake. Completely wrong vehicle to communicate anything beyond name, time.

As to your friend. I don’t know what to say to her because there are no words that will comfort. Words can easily hurt but they rarely can heal.

As to "answered prayer": 2 things happen when I pray. The first is I start to reflect Christ in that I care about others in a way that I really believes he does. Prayer puts me in a posture to focus on others, want the best for others, forgive others, show compassion and mercy to others. 

The other thing that happens when I pray is I am in a posture to be moved. The quote I keep in my prayer journal: the nature of your prayers are the description of your duty.

It occurs to me just a God/me moment is not the end game. I need to look for way to minister/love/act. It also moves my mind to consider a healthier, more faithful perspective.

If I am in prayer about someone or something that hurts, I start to consider a longer view than my normal default position. In other words, the Spirit starts to show me things beyond my little world.

Not sure, in fact I would suspect neither of those answers will “help” your friend. The truth is, her mom, whom she loves, is dying in a cruel way. It’s out of everyone’s control except God and there is not much evidence that he will interfere in the course of events to change the direction of this insidious disease.

It points to the truth that we all—faithful and people of no faith feel—how can a God who is described as being the essence of love allow that, when he has the power to change it?

We as parents would, as an act of love, protect our children from such horror-- if it were in our power. Why does God not protect us from the horror, pain, anguish, suffering of most death? Good and fair questions. I don’t know the answer.

There is ZERO comfort or satisfaction in this kind of pain to the reality of God’s mystery sovereign nature and the reality of broken world. It adds to the pain when we try and give someone a condescending theological pat on the back as she watches her mom die.

I always pray for healing because I think God wants me to want that for others. And I do want that for her mom and for her broken heart. I am so grateful when healing comes to people.

As a person of faith, I do believe that complete healing and wholeness won’t come on this earth—everything both good and bad is temporary and partial.

I am so sorry that the church signs add pain —Christians mess this and other things up all the time. In our limitations we corrupt sharing the love and good news too often so it’s neither loving nor is it good news.

I don’t thinks of prayers as ASK and ANSWERED—I don’t have that kind of clarity on God’s providence. I lift up people and circumstances and seek to care, to faithfully respond to both. I hope for things, give thanks for things, express negative and positive—tell God what I want, but not with an ask/answer loop in mind.

However, as I said before, I don’t really get prayer. I do it because I know it is a faithful response and it helps move me in right directions.

I am so sorry for you, your friend and her mom. It’s devastating. I hope your friendship overshadows the pain these insipid church signs cause and she feels and trusts in your love and care.

Stringing Pearls: Learning From Another

Steve Jobs passed away--have you heard?  The words legacy, visionary, icon, greatest, most, once in a generation are free flowing as his life and work are remembered and honored. 

Andy Crouch of Christianity Today wrote an article capturing some unique reflections on this complex man here.   One of the observations of Crouch is that Jobs put, "the fruits of insanely complex engineering into accessible form."  That Jobs made this technology both, "safe and cool for ordinary people."  What is interesting is Crouch calls this Jobs' gospel. That Jobs was a messenger of good news and hope on a secular platform. 

I don’t know if Steve Jobs’ believed in Christ.  In his famous Stanford graduation address Jobs said:  “in connecting dots you have to trust in something:  your gut, destiny, life, Karma, whatever…but follow you heart.”  Not the typical expression of a Christian,  but Jobs life and work bless us and move us in positive way. 

Can Christians --the church learn from Jobs' brilliance?  Can we take the real good news and real hope and put it on a platform that is accessible and exciting and relevant?  Are the ways I express faith "safe and cool for ordinary people"? 

I think some of the hallmarks of Jobs' life and work leave much for us to learn. He still is an effective teacher.

My takeaway.  Launching from what is now said about Jobs/Apple, I challenge myself to learn from Jobs/Apple and engage life and work,  people and programs with four dimensions:

• Creativity: Are the thoughts words and deeds inspiring, interesting? Too often the message of faith is over simplified, insipid platitudes (see prosperity teaching) or burdened hyper intellectual pretense that moves to hostile debate (see reaction to Rob Bell). Neither tone reflects the creative connection Christ, Paul or even Deuteronomy—yes Deuteronomy—to know and grow as a Christ follower.
• Simplicity: Is my work and words following the straight path of my faith? We are broken. We need healing. There is hope to move from one to the other through Christ.
• Relevance: We should ask ourselves, what difference does this truth make in my relationships, my circumstances, my work, my dreams and ambitions? It should move us in obvious, everyday ways. The inspired should infect the ordinary.
• Honesty: It is true? Faith is not an abstract set of ideas, it’s not philosophy. It’s God moving into the human heart to receive grace and release grace.

I give thanks for Steve Jobs life. 

Stained Glass Hearts: Faithful Hope and Humor

Stained Glass Hearts, by Patsy Clairmont is a treasured collection of faith stories partnered with an "Art Gallery" devotional section including suggested paintings, music and Scriptures to add to the experience and perspective of brokenness and healing.  Clairmont uses stained glass as a metaphor for Christian living--Christ's light shining through cracked glass creates a beautiful image.

In classic Women of Faith honesty and grand humor she reveals her stories with winsome wisdom.  She and her writing are a delight.  Clairmont begins the book sharing her troubles growing up and the pain of enduring through her son's life threatening illness.  These are powerful testimonies and her honesty evokes a strong response. 

Stained Glass Hearts captures what it means to faithfully live with hope --and humor.

I also loved her chapter on reading--it's so practical and encouraging.  She shares not the who and what she reads but also the why and how she reads, concluding with C.S. Lewis' comment, "we read to know we are not alone."  It's a lovely surprise topic for a devotional book.

Overall, its a pleasant read.  It's perfect to carry around and drop into when you have a few minutes to sit and take in a quick story.  The addition of suggested art is also nice, the book would be far more substantial if the images she refers to were included in the actual book. 

If you are a Woman of Faith fan, or a lover of storytelling this would be a great addition to your library.  Patsy Clairmont leaves her listeners better than she first found them--adding to their heart and soul with love and laughter.

I reviewed this book as part of Thomas Nelson Publishing Booksneeze Program.

Zebras and Ducks

The Lord is my light and my salvation--whom shall I fear?  The Lord is the stronghold of my life, of whom shall I be afraid?  ....Though an army besiege me, my heart will  not fear;  though war break out against me, even then I will be confident.  One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek, that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple.  For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling;  he will hide me in the shelter of his Tabernacle and set me high upon a rock.  ...Hear my voice when I call, O Lord;  be merciful to me and answer me.   My heart says of you, "seek his face." Your face, Lord, I will seek.  Teach me your way O Lord, lead me in a straight path because of my oppressors.  I am sill confident of this;  I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.  Wait for the Lord, be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.   excepts from Psalm 27

Personally, September has been a drag.  There has been loads of blessing and laughter but personally, it has been a wad of tension.  Something was wrong on the inside and I knew it.  By inside I mean literally the inside not some metaphor for my soul spirit or emotional center or whatnot.  The same ole things were not doing their same ole thing.

My first response.  Denial.  Denial is such a sweet liar.   Really.  It offers such compelling comfort in the form of distraction and rationalization--and as time marches forward and the problem grows, the fake escape hatch of denial keeps lurking around.  Maybe today I will feel better, "it" will go away.  As with all denial, "it"  not only stayed but made "it's" presence more known and more felt. 

Next:  seek comfort from hubby JR who, as noted in earlier posts has an abundance of logic and pragmatism.  "Call a doctor and relax," he says, "when you hear galloping behind you think horses not zebras."

I smiled and stared.  Not relaxed.

Well in JR's advice was truth and it was truth in love, but it did not comfort because it was not the answer I wanted. 

Next:  waiting in the doctor's office reading my Twitter feed--it occurs to me you are now concerned for my sanity when I confess to denial and having a Twitter feed within the same story.   Anyway, someone posted a quote from Rosa Parks on my feed:  "I have learned over the years that when one's mind is made up, this diminishes fear.  Knowing what must be done does away with fear."

Well, there is truth in that, and a little comfort as I kicked denial to the curb.

Next:  doctor M.  such a kind and smart man, who has as a nurse Bonnie who is equally kind and smart.  Took Dr. M all of 78 seconds to find the problem by looking at my blood work and my body.  Verdict:  a fibroid that is creating severe anemia. 

I smiled and stared.  Not relaxed.

In my defense, it's not easy to relax in an outfit made from paper towels.

I was trying to pretend I had quiet confidence.  I failed.  What I really thought was, well I have some form of abdominal cancer.  I actually started to wonder what treatment for abdominal cancer will do to my schedule, my relationships.  Who and how will I tell?  Dr. M. actually sorta yelled at me...Carol, this is really what it is (not cancer, fibroid), stop spinning in other directions.  I had not said anything but my staring must have spoken a lot.  Dr. M says, "If it walks like a duck, quacks,  ya know,  like a duck, looks like a duck it's well a duck."  I told you he was smart.

I smiled and asked him.  How do you know it's a duck?

He smiled and reviewed what he saw in my tests/examination (actual facts) and then told me that in 18 years, he'd seen this exact thing a lot (actual experience), and never, not one deviation from my symptoms.  He made it clear I was not going to be the first time he was wrong,  he then announed  we (he) will run a few more tests to confirm what he already knew-- that  need to take some iron and come in for an ultra sound and we will look at some options to fix it.  Dr. M, "I am not worried, you shouldn't  either.  STOP."  All of that from my stare, and follow up duck question.

I smiled, left, called hubby who confirmed I am a duck on Web MD and then I went home to finish up Bible study.  Not relaxed, but no longer a wad of tension either.  Did you know that a sympton of iron deficiency is irritability--JR smiled at that.

Enter Psalm 27:  fear, confidence, waiting and wanting the goodness of the Lord.  In the lesson was a reference to God being iron for the soul--given my hours old diagnosis of significant iron deficiency, I thought much about the application of faith upon fear and trusting, leaning into to what I know and believe to be truth. 

Spent a large chunk on time on study.  I almost did not post this, until test scores were in and all was settled.  Then it occured to me the truth of Psalm 27, the results don't matter to the outcome which is determined.  I will seek the Lord, and in that is my confience. 

I am not bold in my ability to manage this, but I am bold in the trust I have from faith.  I hope for good news  from Dr. M.'s office.  I hope I continue to prove him right.  I hope I am a duck.  The truth of Psalm 27 and what I really hold onto says that even if it's zebras and geese behind me, I don't have to settle for denial or fear but I know, "he will keep me safe in his dwelling." 

It may or may not be a season where that is tested, but I am bold in this--that when tested it's proven true--actual facts and experience.