A conversation that I am sure no two men have ever shared.
I had lunch today with a good friend and shared a story about how I had done something significant, and it was ignored. I was at a point of frustration.
She encouraged me, sympathized with me, and affirmed me— all the good stuff a good friend does at such a time.
Then she said, “You need to go and tell this person that she has hurt your feelings, and you are taking it personally.”
While, that is true (how I feel), it occurred to me later, that no man on the planet would suggest or do what she suggested and I briefly entertained. What it may offer in therapeutic release it also costs, in lunacy.
Where does such a confrontation lead…would I feel better with a dismissive, “oh I am sorry.” I don’t think so. Would I find comfort in making a point? No, I would feel needy and sort of pitiful.
It’s not that honesty isn’t the best policy. It is. Yet, there is time for wisdom to quiet me down.
Besides, when this sort of thing crops up, it’s a good time to remember who ultimately do I serve and who I really need to seek to please.
Oh, and with some humility consider who I may have overlooked recently who is having lunch with a friend talking about how I hurt her feelings…
Well, at least it wasn't me! :-) I completely agree with your point, as you may have guessed. This sharing of feelings has gotten way out of hand, i.e., one person shares how she FEELS -- typically as a response to something the other person said, did, didn't do, didn't say, etc. -- and then expects the "other" person to realize and admit some sort of responsibility for the first person's FEELINGS. Most men, as you pointed out, would reject this idea. "They're your feelings; YOU deal with it."
ReplyDeleteNow. This is not a proposal for wholesale cruelty or cavalier behavior. But the ability to (1) remember whom we serve, and (2) not let others wield such power over our lives (usually unbeknownst to the others, by the way) is a cornerstone of wisdom.